I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
