I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
