I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
