I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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