man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
