One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
