I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
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I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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