did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
