she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
