He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
