Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
another moral hangover. fuck.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They are going to name an STD after you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
