Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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