broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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