I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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