Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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