There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
