I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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