how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i will never coherently bang her
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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