So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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