quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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