I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
