Only a mothe r could love this liver
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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