we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
a search helicopter?!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
