Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
