I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
