My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
