How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
