People in love make me want to vomit
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
