I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
