You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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