you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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