Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
