Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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