I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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