It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
