i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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