We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
