Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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