I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
