You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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