I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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