batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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