my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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