Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
