The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
