somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
