yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm always down for nudity.
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