How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
