I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize