just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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