Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.

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(563): View more from Iowa

However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.

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(760): View more from California

Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.

(818): View more from California

Because it is cat.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league

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(971): View more from Oregon

I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters

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(770): View more from Georgia

I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.

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