I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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