i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
