I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
