there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
