i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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