Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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