arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize