it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
