if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
