mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
