Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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