I cut my penus on the lid.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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