Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
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That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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