Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
