He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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