Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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