i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
