What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
