we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
