Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
