My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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