So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
