If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she smelled like a LAN party
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i now understand why vodka
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
