Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
