Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
