I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
