Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
smell my finger.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
