you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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